Recovery
by alysunsparkle
Summary: Tragedy has struck in Boulder, leaving many, including the infamous Sasha Belov, feeling lost. The journey to his recovery has begun. Will you take it with him?
1. Chapter 1

"Today, world champion Payson Keeler,"

"In a tragic accident, Payson Keeler.."

"Word has yet to reach us yet on how the death of Payson Keeler came about."

Payson Keeler, Payson Keeler, Payson Keeler. The name kept ringing in his head. After flipping through every channel on the television and hearing nothing but that name, Sasha Belov finally turned the television off. It was too much to bear, and he didn't have time to hold himself together. He needed to be at The Rock in ten minutes, to do what he couldn't do for himself for his gymnasts.

He threw the remote on the couch and began to walk across the parking lot. As soon as he stepped out the door of his trailer, he saw an unfamiliar car in the parking lot. He approached the door of The Rock and turned the handle to find it unlocked. There was a light on in his office, and he saw someone with dark brown hair sitting the spot he usually occupied.

Sasha walked up his office steps and opened the door. As he did, the person turned around, and gave him a grave smile.

"Hey Sasha. Sorry for just waltzing in, but I figured under the circumstances, you could use all the help around here you could get."

Sasha might have smiled in relief at the sight of his old friend Marty Walsh, but things were different now.

"Marty," Sasha said with a casual nod of the head.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I know you and Payson shared a bond that few people have experienced." Marty replied.

"Thank you," Sasha said, as his mind drifted away from the present.

_He was standing in a corner of The Rock, remaining unnoticed by the flawless performer in from of him. He had been waiting for months after her recovery for Payson to perform like this again, and she was finally the awe-inspiring gymnast he remembered. As she finished and turned around, she noticed him standing there._

_Wide smiles crossed both their faces as she exclaimed, "Sasha, did you see it? My routine, it was perfect!"_

_He replied with just as much excitement, "Payson, what have I been telling you all along? You can do this, you are going to win gold at the Olympics, and we're getting there together."_

_With this, he picked her up in a huge hug and twirled her around. He felt so comfortable and honest with her in his arms, like no secrets could lie between them. _

_He put her down, and without any warning, she kissed him. At first he didn't commit but after a few seconds, he placed his arms around her waist. It was a soft, gentle kiss, nothing less than perfection._

Looking back, he knew it was wrong, but i just all felt so right. But it didn't matter anymore. Because right now, she was gone, and Sasha Belov had no one.

**A/N**: Hello! This is my first attempt at something more original and I don't know if I'll continue it or not. It was fun to write though, and if you guys want me to keep going, I will. Review, it would mean the world:]


	2. Chapter 2

"Belov? You still with me?" Marty questioned.

With a shake of his head, Sasha replied, "Yeah, sorry"

"So as I was saying," Marty continued. "I was thinking with yourself, and your gymnasts so shook up, you could really use a break around here."

"What are you proposing? Because I don't know if having you around would make it any easier on the girls," Sasha said.

"I don't have to work with Lauren, Kaylie, or Emily. There are plenty of men and junior girls here that would be willing to work with me," Marty suggested.

Sasha stood up from the chair he occupied and started pacing back and forth.

_He was laying in a bed, Payson curled up to his side, after she gained her 2010 National Champion title. Kaylie had placed second, with Kelly Parker bringing in the bronze. It had been a long few days, and Marty Walsh's constant presence hadn't made it any easier on the girls._

_He gave her a kiss on the head before whispering, "Pay, why is it that whenever Marty is around, Emily, Lauren, and Kaylie all put up their guard? Is this all because he left? Or why he left?"_

_She sighed before responding, "Sasha, it's really not that simple. I don't really know how to help you understand."_

_"Try," He asked of her._

_Payson turned to face him, and thought about her words carefully before saying, "Emily has no male role model in her life. Her dad left her, her brother's dad left them, and every man Chloe has dated either messes her up or just leaves. Marty was just another one of those men to her. As soon as she got to The Rock, he left. He could have came back as soon as word got out about him and Mrs. Cruz, but he didn't, and she felt abandoned."_

_As Sasha was absorbing this information, she continued, "Lauren doesn't like to come off as weak. She likes everyone to think she is on top of the world, especially when she isn't. Whenever she isn't at the gym or with any of us, she doesn't have anybody. When Marty left, one of the only people she could rely on did too. Her whole life she thought her mom never wanted her, and the only reason she found out about it all was because her mom died and her dad felt bad about lying. So if Emily has abandonment issues, think about Lauren. She gets catty and vicious, but it's only because she's so insecure."_

_"Kaylie," Payson hesitated before going on, "At first, she was just confused. She would have gotten over it because her parents loved each other and her brother was off being the most successful twenty-two year old you could probably find. She had everything anyone could ever want or need. But then, she found out Marty had an affair with her mom. Before she knew it, her dad was gone, her brother had to come home to pick up the pieces, and her mom wasn't someone she could trust anymore. She didn't understand why her mom would ruin their family, and she thought she wasn't good enough. So she stopped eating, almost destroyed her career, and if you really think about it, it all began with her mother's affair. So I guess she thinks she has Marty to blame for everything."_

_Sasha was befuddled at how easily she read her best friends. He thought about it for a moment before asking softly, "And you?"_

_Payson looked up at him with adoring eyes, "You came along. I didn't need Marty because you believed in me. The great Marty Walsh doesn't come anywhere close to the infamous Sasha Belov in my book."_

_She smiled as he pressed a kiss to her lips. Under his breath he muttered, "I love you Payson Keeler. Forever and Always."_

_She laid her head on his chest and before closing her eyes replied, "I love you too."_

Remembering what Payson told him, Sasha defended the girls with every ounce of fight left in him. "I won't let anything else damage these girls than what already has. Your leaving not only reinforced Lauren and Emily's fear of abandonment, but the reason you left completely destroyed Kaylie. You don't need to be around here doing more damage than you've already caused."

And with that, Sasha stormed out of the room, leaving Marty Walsh stunned, and alone.

**A/N**: A few people liked the idea, so I guess I'll keep going with it. Sorry if these two chapters were a little short, I was kind of in a hurry as I was writing them. Criticism is always appreciated, I'd like to know if I'm doing anything wrong, or if you'd want to see anything differently. Also I'm not exactly sure where I'm going, so if there's anything you'd want to happen just let me know and I can try to fit it in. Reviews are greatly appreciated, and thanks to those who did last chapter, it meant a lot!


	3. Chapter 3

The past week in boulder had been dreary, wet, and downright miserable. Everyone at The Rock had a mood matching this description, with the exception of Kaylie Cruz. She was the number one gymnast in the country again, and no one could come close to touching her. She lost her best friend, but she had learned that in life, there are things you just need to let go. She couldn't change what had happened to Payson, so she was moving on.

If she wanted to remain the number one gymnast in the country, she needed to make her DOD on bars higher. She really wanted the round-off arabian mount to begin her routine. Kaylie knew she needed to clear it with Sasha before adding it, but she also knew that he would say no. She looked around the gym, and located him in his office, which was where he spent most of his time these days. She sighed, and lightly jogged across the floor, and up into his office.

She peeked her head inside, "Hey Sasha, I wanted to talk to you about something if you have time."

Kaylie noted Sasha's appearance. He had been wearing the same grey shirt for the past week, and his hair was a little greasy. He had more stubble than usual, and appeared to be poorly taken care of. If she had to guess, she would have said he hadn't showered in about two days, and hadn't slept even longer.

He looked up from his paper work unwillingly and replied, "Yeah, sure, what's up?"

"Well," she hesitated, "I wanted to add a more difficult move to my bars rountine. I was thinking the round-off arabian?"

Sasha blinked at her. "What?"

She replied impatiently, "The round-off arabian. In my bars routine. Can I add it?"

Sasha replied, "Kaylie, I kind of have a lot going on right now so if you could just let me alone for the time being, that would be great."

Kaylie looked at him skeptically, "You have a lot going on right now? Are you kidding me? We all have a lot going on right now, it's not just you. Pack up the pity party you've been throwing yourself, because you need to be down there, to help them get through this."

Sasha dropped his pen on the desk and ran his hands through his hair. "Kaylie," his voice dragged out, "Payson died. She died. Do you not understand that? She's gone. She'll won't walk through those doors again, she won't be flipping around on the mats anymore,

she'll never talk to any of us again. How can you act like everything's okay?"

Kaylie's face went blank. "Aren't you the one who is supposed to be holding everything together? The strong, emotionless, bad-ass finally chose a time to feel? If you asked me, I would have thought you got paid to tell me I can't add the move because I might feel the pressure to lose more weight. I really can't do this without a coach. I would like that coach to be you, but if you can't get over Payson, maybe I need to go to Denver."

"Kaylie, wait," Sasha pleaded. "Don't leave. Just give me today. Everything will be back to normal tomorrow."

Kaylie looked at him hopefully. "Promise?" She questioned.

He looked back at her with no fight left. "Promise," he replied.

* * *

Sasha knew his confrontation with Kaylie earlier that day couldn't be repeated. He was failing the girls as a coach, and he recognized that. He couldn't be in the gym and coach them without thinking of Payson, and without wishing she was still there. He needed to let her go, but there was so much of himself in her, and he didn't want to see that go with her.

Knowing he couldn't keep disappointing the girls, he did something he might, at some point, regret. He picked up the phone and dialed Marty's number.

After a few rings, he picked up.

"Hello?" Marty answered.

"Marty, it's Sasha. I'm calling to apologize for criticizing you. They were unfair accusations, and not mine to make."

Marty replied, "No Sasha, it's fine. Everything you said was true. I did hurt the girls and I shouldn't be around them."

Sasha quickly rebutted that statement, "That's not true. They need someone. Someone who can be their coach, and both you and I know, I'm not capable of that right now."

Marty hesitated, "Are you sure this is for the best? What about Kaylie?"

"She just told me today that she wanted to go to Denver."

"Alright, if you think it's a good idea Belov. When should I show up?"

Sasha sighed in relief, "How about tomorrow?"

Marty replied concernedly, "Tomorrow sounds fine.'

**A/N: Thank you so much to you awesome reviewers! To answer a few questions, this story takes place after Nationals of 2011. Also, how Payson died will eventually be revealed. I really appreciate the comments and helpful hints so keep it coming:)**


	4. Chapter 4

Marty drove into the Rock parking lot in his Jeep early Monday morning. He was running late, and wasn't surprised when the only parking spots left were at the very back. He pulled in, got out of his car and headed for the front doors. As soon as he reached for the handle, none other than Ronnie Cruz walked out.

They both froze for a minute before Ronnie broke the ice and said, "Hey." She released the door and looked over her shoulder as if they had something to hide.

Marty replied, "Hey. How's it been going."

She sighed, "I don't know Marty. Kaylie has just been through so much the past year, and is acting like nothing has changed since Payson died. Of course she doesn't tell me anything, and Alex is AWOL. It has to be hard on her, and I'm worried."

Marty laughed a little before releasing, "Wow, we just got right into it, didn't we?"

Ronnie wore an apologetic look and replied, "I'm sorry, it's just," Before she could continue Marty cut her off. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm happy to listen. People handle death differently. Let me talk to her."

Ronnie replied, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Marty hesitated. "We'll just see how it goes."

Ronnie replied, "Thank you. It was good seeing you again."

"Good seeing you too." He smirked as she walked by him.

He watched her walk away before catching her attention again. "Ronnie," he called.

She paused.

He stopped before continuing. "I miss you."

She smiled to herself before answering, "I miss you too."

She turned back around and walked to her car. As she drove out of the parking lot, Marty watched her with a sad smile on his face.

* * *

It was mid-day at the Rock, and things had gone as smoothly as one could hope. With the exception of Kaylie's temper tantrum at his refusal to add the Round-Off Arabian, Marty was having a successful day. He knew Kaylie had expected a no, so there wasn't much damage control to be done there. Damage did need to be reversed however, in the office. As far as Marty could tell, Sasha had done nothing throughout the day with the exception of staring blankly at the wall or sit with his head in his hands. By the time Marty released the gymnasts for lunch, he decided it was finally time to intervene. He ascended the stairs, and opened the office door.

"Sasha," he said tiredly. "I'm fed up with your moping. You need to get out of here."

Sasha looked up from his hands with bloodshot eyes, looking lost.

"Go for a walk," Marty suggested, "Clear your head."

Sasha stood up, and without a word, he left the gym.

* * *

There were not many things she was sure about anymore, but there was one thing Kim Keeler could count on. The view of her backyard from her kitchen window was the most gorgeous view she had ever known. It was the thing that had sold the house to her. When she first saw that view, she saw not other houses as there were in her backyard in Minnesota, but nature. There was a row of trees aligning the back boundary, and two brown, wooden fences along the sides. The grass was considerably green for living in Colorado, and bright, colored flowers were blooming around the yard. It was relatively simple, but a beautiful sight to behold nonetheless.

As she was thinking about this piece of her bliss, she turned to look at it. She was alarmed by the unnatural presence of a tall, masculine figure. It didn't take much to discern who it was. She knew it was Sasha at first glance, and was relieved he finally came to visit her. She grabbed an envelope off the kitchen table, and went out the back door.

"Sasha," She called out. "It's about time you came by."

He looked up, "Mrs. Keeler, I'm sorry to intrude, I was just going for a walk to clear my head."

She nodded. "It's a good thing you ended up here. Sasha I know you loved Payson, and she loved you too. But there was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened." At this, she handed him the envelope. "Read this. It will help you to understand."

He took the envelope from her, and immediately recognized Payson's handwriting.

It hurt Sasha to feel this kind of pain. To be this close to where Payson spent so much of her life and to be holding paper that she once held. Every breath he took felt like a knife going into his heart. He couldn't hold himself together anymore, and before he could stop them, tears were spilling out of his eyes. Kim took him in her arms, and he finally let himself fall fully apart. He let all his memories of Payson run through his head, he thought about Kaylie's eating disorder and her broken family, and realized he couldn't have prevented it. Payson's accident was just that, an accident. He couldn't have made Kaylie start eating again, no matter how much he tried. He let Kim hold him. He let somebody else feel a piece of the agony he was in. He realized he didn't have to be alone.

After awhile, the tears subsided, and Kim let him go. She stood back and looked up at him, "You aren't alone."

He smiled a little, "Thank you."

Kim walked inside. Sasha looked down at the envelope in his hands, turned around, and began the walk back to his trailer.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for being so patient with the updates! I'm sorry I haven't been updating, I've been busy with class and practice. I think I'm going to do about three more chapters. This took a lot out of me, I'm not so sure I like how it turned out, so let me know what you think. Review and you'll be my favorite:]**


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as I got to my trailer I got inside, shut the door, and sat down at my kitchen table. I placed the envelope Kim had given me on it, and stared. Every once in a while I would pick it up. As I held the envelope, it felt like I was holding all the answers to the biggest test of my life.

Tired of staring, my curiosity got the better of me. I slowly opened the envelope to find, as could be predicted, a letter.

_Sasha,_

_I know I will probably be gone for awhile before you read this, but first you must know that I love you. We gave each other everything, and there is nothing I loved or ever will love more than you. Before you finish reading this I want you to promise to yourself you love me and only want what is best for me. You must also never blame yourself for what has become of me._

Sasha's eyes were brimming with tears. He wondered why Payson could have been so worried about him not loving her. He didn't know why, but he did what she said nonetheless.

_After thinking about it for while, my parents and I decided it would be best if I spent the next part of my life in a psychiatric facility. I'm located out of the country, and I will never be coming back. My disappearance was staged so I didn't have to endure all the media harassment like Kaylie did. I don't think I could handle surviving more of that. Before my accident, I really was the strong and determined person everyone expected me to be. But ever since it happened, I couldn't be that girl anymore Sasha. I'm not the person you fell in love with. I couldn't bear to deliver this news to you in person, I couldn't handle thinking it was the last time I would ever see you. It's better this way._

_I will always think of you though. I chose a treatment center in Romania so I would. I can't explain how it happened but it did. Gymnastics broke me. It broke me but will always be a part of you. Our love isn't enough to take that piece away from you, and I don't want you to think it is._

_You once wrote me that if there was anything you taught me, you would want it to be that anything can be achieved if you work together. I'm telling you that again because I want you to remember that and listen to yourself. You're not alone without me. You have Lauren and Emily and my family. I also want you to look out for Kaylie. She isn't better, don't believe her when she says it, because she will. She's the only best friend I've ever had, and she needs you more than you need the memory of me._

_I know I can't let you come see me, write me letters, or contact me. So the last thing I will ask of you is to let yourself be able to let go. Find somebody you deserve. Find somebody happy, whole, and loving. Someone like Summer. You deserve that Sasha, please. Trust me one last time. There is no easy way to end this, knowing I will never see you or hear from you again. I will only ever say this once more, but you must know I'll feel it for you always. I love you Sasha. I'll be watching for you, Kaylie, Emily, and Lauren in London 2012. You guys better kick some serious ass._

_Forever yours, _

_Payson_

Once I finished reading the letter, there was nothing I would like more than to tear it apart. My emotions were no longer in control as they once were. I felt sad, sorry, slightly hopeful, but mostly just confused. Why hadn't she talked to me about this? There could have been so many ways to help her, and she just gave up. This wasn't Payson. This wasn't the love of my life. But then again, she had said she wasn't that girl anymore. So was there really anything to miss? Why should I dwell on what we used to be.

It nearly killed me to do so, but I decided to listen to her. I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts. Summer's name was highlighted, and I pushed send. The phone rang a few times, and I got her voice mail. As soon as I heard the beep I started my message.

"Summer," I began, "It's Sasha. I just wanted to see if you were free anytime soon so we could talk, catch up. I'd appreciate it if you would call me back. My number is still the same. Thanks, hope to hear from you soon."

I hung up and thought about my words. My number is still the same. Everything could be exactly how it used to be. With the exception of Kaylie.

* * *

**Okay so this really isn't how I intended this story to turn out, it just happened. Next chapter should be out a little quicker than my regular updates, because now I definitely know what's going to happen, so I'm excited about writing it. Let me know what you think, good or bad, I'll appreciate it nonetheless. Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, I really do love you for it!**


	6. Chapter 6

My phone buzzed and I looked at the screen. I saw a text from Austin.

_**Lunch tomorrow? Picnic behind the annex. You bring your beautiful self, I'll bring the rest?:)**_

I sighed and thought hard before I replied.

**Can't tomorrow. Need to work on floor routine. Worlds is only a few weeks away. Maybe my place after practice?**

She knew she was being difficult lately but Austin should understand she had to work harder if she wanted to beat Gengi and Kelly. She was only clinging to number one by a small margin in the United States, let alone the world. She wasn't Payson. Her phone went off again and she read,

_**Alright Kaylie, just make sure to take a break. Don't push too hard.**_

Wow, Kaylie thought to herself. How old was she, two? What made Austin think he had the right to tell her to take a break?

She picked up her phone to respond.

**Don't worry Austin. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. I'm going to bed. Night.**

* * *

Austin knew Kaylie was only fooling herself when she said she could handle everything. She could only handle being in control, and that would lead to nothing more than self-destruction. So he did what he knew to do to take his mind off things; he went to the gym.

He flipped around The Rock for hours, completely losing track of time. Before he knew it, it was three in the morning. He figured if he wanted any sleep he better reitre to the couch in the office. As he was opening the door, the sound of another door opening reached his ears. He quickly snapped his head around to see who was invading his "Austin" time. He was not at all surprised when he saw Sasha entering the gym.

Within seconds of entering, Sasha had already yelled his name.

"Tucker," he started, "Don't you have somewhere to be right now? I don't know, say, your bed?"

Austin sighed. "I was just heading for a nap right now."

Sasha got his coach voice on. "Austin, you know and I know that getting to the Olympics requires more than intense training. It requires more than intense training. It requires taking care of yourself. Considering it's past three in the morning and you are not in bed, you are either a complete moron who doesn't have the mental capacity to get to the Olympics or there is something on your mind. Considering you have already succeeded at the Olympics, we can tule out the first option which leaves the second. So please, tell me, what is so important that you are willing to risk your career for?"

Austin rolled his eyes to himself, knowing his coach was overreacting.

"Well it is important," Austin said, "But I can't tell my coach what is wrong with one of his gymnasts."

"Fine then," Sasha said. "Pretend I'm a friend. You need to get your head on straight, and if talking to a friend will help you, then so be it."

Austin stumbled over his words. "It's Kaylie," he finally released. "I'm worried about her health. I think she may be starting to relapse."

Sasha was completely caught off guard. "Into anorexia?" His expression became completely panicked.

Austin scoffed. "No, into her crack addiction. Yes her anorexia. She's pushing herself too hard. She keeps telling me it's under control but she isn't better. I don't know what to do."

Sasha's thoughts immediately flashed to Payson's letter. He was sad, and it was apparent, but Austin was too flustered to realize.

"Austin," Sasha began yet another lecture. "If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't control what happens. People lie. They leave. They fail you. You feel like you'll never recover. And you feel like it's not worth it. You can't make Kaylie admit she has a problem. And I can't make Payson come back. But you can do all you can do to make Kaylie aware she needs help. And I..."

Sasha drifted off into his thoughts. I can make Payson know I need her more than she needs to be away from me.

Austin was completely bewildered. He had no idea what Sasha meant when he said he couldn't bring Payson back because obviously nobody could bring back the dead. He questioned Sasha, "You what, Sasha?"

"Nothing, I..." Sasha quickly ran past Austin, scribbled a note to Marty on the desk, and ran right back out of the office. Austin's eyes followed him as he exited the building. Austin realized someone might be having more problems than he was.

* * *

**Wow, it's been awhile. Sorry if there are a lot of typos or if it doesn't make sense, I just got inspired and didn't have time to proofread. I really appreciate every single reviewer, and hope you all keep reviewing!**


	7. Chapter 7

Kaylie walked into the Rock, bag slung over her shoulder, and paused, looking around. There wasn't anyone except Marty in the gym, which was expected. The only other person that would be at the Rock by six in the morning was Sasha, and he had been AWOL lately, so she wasn't expecting much from him anyway. She threw her bag on the floor, and walked out to the mats and began warming up for the day.

Marty walked down from the office, and bee-lined straight toward her.

"Hey Kaylie," Marty said, unusually upbeat for this early in the morning. "How's it going?"

"Hello," Kaylie said questioningly. "It's going fine. Why?"

"Just wanted to know how your day was going. Anything out of place, out of the ordinary?" Marty asked.

"No," Kaylie replied, a lingering suspicion in her voice.

"Did you eat breakfast this morning?" Marty attempted to ask casually.

_Ah, so this is what it's about. What else should I have expected_, Kaylie thought.

"Please," she scoffed. "Living with my mother? She practically force feeds me with her own hands."

"Good to hear," Marty replied happily. "Go warm up."

He clapped Kaylie on the back and walked away. She stood with her arms crossed, and looked over her shoulder at his departing figure.

_My mother might shove food down my throat,_ Kaylie thought, _but that doesn't stop me from throwing it up._

Kaylie had spent all day training, and by the time lunch rolled around she convinced herself she wasn't hungry at all. She intended on working on the beam for a little, to get her double back dismount. Marty then started walking towards her, and she wondered what he could possibly want.

"Kaylie, let's have lunch," he suggested. Although Kaylie knew it wasn't just a suggestion. It was more of if you don't come eat we're sending you back to rehab, which was the last thing she needed. He had been on her case all day, and she knew something was up, she just wasn't quite sure what.

"Alright," Kaylie begrudgingly agreed.

"Get your lunchbox, we'll eat in the office."

Ten minutes later, Kaylie found herself sitting across the desk from Marty, awkwardly indulging in a banana. There was no conversation, it was mostly looking around and avoiding the elephant in the room.

"How's your mom?" Marty asked.

"She's good," Kaylie replied. "I know about your date last week."

"Oh, so you heard about that," Marty said carefully.

"It's fine, don't worry," Kaylie brushed off. "I gave up hope on my parents getting back together a long time ago. And you make her happy so that's all that matters."

_That and being skinny enough to be the best gymnast in the world._

"Really?" Marty said, blowing out a sigh of relief. "Good, because I didn't want to upset you."

"No I'm not upset at all," Kaylie shrugged.

"Good. Now that I know you're okay with it, you mother and I can make it official."

"Sounds great," Kaylie exclaimed. "I don't ever plan on referring to you as my step-dad though, okay coach?"

Marty chuckled, "Sounds alright to me."

"Okay good. I have to go to the bathroom before we start up again," Kaylie said casually.

"Alright, see you on the floor in ten," Marty said in parting.

Kaylie started walking to the bathroom, practically jogging as soon as Marty was out of view. She checked under all the stalls to make sure no one was in there. The bathroom was empty, and she felt compelled to expunge all the unwanted food from her body. As she stuck a finger down her throat, all she could think of was her father. Her mother replaced him like it was nothing and she felt like all she could do was try to a "thinspiration" for a young girl that needed her.

* * *

Across the world, Payson Keeler sat alone at a bar in Snagov, Romania. She remembered coming here to find Sasha, who she once thought she would be with for the rest of her life.

But then came the back injury.

And the comeback.

And winning.

Then the pressure started.

The injury that no one knew about.

And more awful than anything she had ever experienced, the addiction.

The operation was supposed to cure her back. She wasn't supposed to have any more issues. But she did. And somehow, she knew it couldn't be fixed this time around.

She called Nicky Russo, and getting him to help her was about as hard as it got, but even that wasn't a challenge. She took a few dollars from her sponsorship money out of her account, made the exchange with Nicky, and her pain was gone for awhile.

With time, she knew she was using too much. And she knew too much cortisone wasn't healthy. She knew that it did nothing to cure the pain, it just masked it. But whenever she used it she felt better. She started using it once a week and before she knew it she was using it three times a day. The pain subsided, her gymnastics was improving, and she finally felt like she had it all under control.

But after the first few weeks, it became harder and harder to acquire the cortisone. She needed more, and the amounts of money missing from her account became more substantial. Her parents were becoming desperate, and they would do anything for the answers she wasn't giving them.

She never thought she would become addicted to anything. She was Payson Keeler. Logical, reasonable, dedicated Payson Keeler.

But she wanted it too much. She knew that. She wanted to be everything everyone expected her to be, and she wanted this dream more than anything. She wanted it so much that she would have died rather than have people believe she had let something compromise her goal. And when her parents found out about her problem, that was what she had to do.

But she wasn't dead. And she still felt the pain of leaving the sport, her family, friends, and coach behind. It hurt everyday.

She had scheduled visits with her parents, and Becca. She hadn't seen them once in the month she'd been in Romania, and she wasn't due to see them until Christmas. She had started her stay in a treatment center, but without the influence of gymnastics, there wasn't anything that her therapist felt, "prompted her to return to unauthorized substances to solve her problems." So she went to therapy for an hour every other weekday, and she went to group therapy twice a week for two hours.

She hated it. She hated how she wouldn't ever be perceived the same way again. She would never be thought of as Payson Keeler, Junior National Champion, National Silver Medalist, or World Champion again. She would never be trustworthy, and she could never be great again. In Romania, she would always be Payson Keeler, the girl who screwed up her life. The girl who almost had it all. The girl who got messed up in something as stupid as a drug addiction. In the United States, she would always be Payson Keeler, the gymnast who tragically lost her life in car accident.

She couldn't live with herself. She couldn't live with all the lies. She couldn't find anything worth living for anymore. There was only the distant thought of Sasha that got her through the days. She hoped that maybe, one day, she'd be healthy enough that she could find him, and they might have their happily ever after.

But she knew that wasn't possible. She knew she was nothing but a forgotten memory to him.

* * *

**A/N: WOAH. Intense chapter. I hope no one got offended by the thinspiration reference. I just think it's something everyone should be aware about, because it is happening. A lot of people online and in the real world and trying to inspire girls to be thin, and no one should feel like they aren't. It's just something that means a lot to me, and I am trying to kind of explain that by using Kaylie.**

**Also, I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I don't really have an excuse expect prom & graduation & I was in the Bahamas without my computer for two months. And college just started, so it's been pretty hectic. I'll do my best to update sooner this time!**

**So we found out about Payson! What do you think? What would you like to see happen next? Leave me review's and let me know! Also, don't be afraid to PM me anything you want!**


	8. Chapter 8

Sasha Belov landed in Romania a few hours ago. He had visited the only treatment center he knew of, but Payson wasn't there. He asked around, and no one knew of any other institution. It felt good to be using his native tongue again, but the feeling was tainted because he couldn't find her. He eventually stumbled across one person who had recognized her name and had told him her story. He knew he should have realized it, and he knew he should have helped her. He was mad at himself, but he was even more so with Payson. He didn't understand why she thought she could just run away and everything would be fixed.

He had taken a bus from Bucharest, and had just arrived in Snagov. He wasn't leaving until he found Payson, and he was a friend of the owner of the town's bar. As soon as he walked in the door he recognized the back of a blonde head. His heart immediately swelled with emotion and his eyes teared up at the sight of it.

He whispered silently, but loud enough to get her attention. "Payson?"

Her head turned around slowly, and Sasha walked to the bar with determination and anger gracing every inch of his body.

"Payson, what the hell are you doing?"

She didn't look at him. "You are not here."

Sasha was extremely confused by that statement, and his anger momentarily subsided.

"Payson, of course I'm here. I had to come once I knew where you were."

"No, you are not here. Because if you're here I'll go back with you," She still wasn't looking at him.

"But Payson that's why I am here," He said gently. "I need you to come back with me. I'm a mess without you."

"I can't go back and be with you Sasha. I told you, I'm not who I used to be," Payson said, her voice full of sadness.

"Why?" Sasha asked. "Why haven't you told me anything that has happened? I could have helped you."

"No Sasha, you couldn't have. Nobody could have. I needed to get out of there. You don't even know what happened," She said in defiance.

"You mean with the drugs?" Sasha snapped. "Yeah, I do."

"How did you find out about that?" She asked, panicked.

"I ran into someone that knew who you were on my way here. You shouldn't have left. You could have told me."

"I'm not coming back," Payson said. "I can't be with you because you are gymnastics Sasha. And I can't be around that anymore."

"Payson, please," He whispered roughly, eyes tearing up. "I love you so much and I would do anything to have you with me again."

"No," she said. "I'm sorry you wasted your time and money. I wish I could love you and gymnastics the same way I did. But I can't."

"Pay, I need-"

"No." She cut him off. "Please, just go."

He dropped his head, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

He didn't know where he was going next. He found a hotel on the outskirts of Snagov, and had checked into his room. He didn't feel like thinking or feeling anymore. He curled up into the fetal position, he couldn't remember sleeping that way since his mother died, and fell fast asleep.

HR

Sasha heard knocking, no, more like pounding, coming from somewhere. He stumbled around looking for the door with his eyes barely open. He opened it and he recognized Payson outside his door.

He looked past her and saw the Rock. He looked behind him and saw the inside of the airstream. TV left on to the news from the night before, couch having been slept in. The line between dream and reality having been blurred so harshly, he wasn't entirely sure what was real right now.

"Sasha, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for what happened last night. I was just excited I had nailed my routine, and I got caught up in the moment. Just a stupid moment." Payson said, as if it had been rehearsed hundreds of times, and knowing her it probably had been.

"Pay," He looked around confused and disoriented. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

His eyes squinted from the sunlight, but he looked down on her the same.

"Seriously Sasha? After my routine last night? I kissed you?" She said hesitantly.

Realization dawned upon him. He remembered her routine, flawless and artistic. World's hadn't happened. Marty was still in Denver. Kaylie was fine as far as he knew. Payson was alive, happy, and in front of him in Boulder, and that thought made him feel carefree.

"Oh, that," he said with a tone of playfulness in his voice. "Yeah Pay, I don't know what you were thinking. I'm pretty old and I'm your coach. I did win four gold medals though, and I am pretty good looking, so I can see why you kissed me."

She looked at him like he was crazy, making light of such a serious situation.

"Payson, I can't really say anything to explain how you make me feel," Sasha said.

So he bent down and he kissed her. A light, soft kiss, but it exuded tons of emotion.

When Sasha pulled away, Payson was smiling, but her expression immediately became puzzled.

"Sasha, what-" She began, only to be cut off.

"I shouldn't have pushed you away last night. I hide my feelings from people but I don't want to hide from you," he said simply. "We don't know what can happen, either of us could die any minute. And I want to make the best of the time we have right now, because it's the only thing that's guaranteed."

He looked down at her and she smiled.

"Wow Belov," she said, humor lacing her voice. "When did you get so deep?"

"Oh, hush you," he replied in the accent she found so charming.

He kissed her again, deeper, and longer this time.

"Well, as much as I'd like to stand here all day, I do have a future to prepare for," Payson said. "And when I win six medals, you're going to need some serious recovery time."

Sasha watched as she pranced to the gym, and he thought of the future she was preparing for. He hoped it incorporated him, and a few blonde haired babies.

HR 

A/N: DONE. I'm not sure if I'm a fan of the ending, but it had to happen.:) Thank you all for sticking by, and thank you for all your reviews and follows, I appreciate them so much. If you'd like to see a sequel or anything, leave your feedback in a review or PM me. Thank you so much again, it feels great to be finished. Next up is a few more chapters of _Maybe_.


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